monstrosities
by kissing under the stars
Summary: "She knows now that you are not falling in love, you're falling in a monstrosity." / or the story of how Massie Block goes through her years and discovers that love isn't as perfect as it seems.


**disclaimer| **clique characters aren't owned by me

**a/n| **well, I am in a mosh-y mood, so here's this little thing.

**dedication| **can I dedicate this to sharine because she is amazing?

**pairing| **onesided mosh.

**full summary| **"she used to believe that love was just kissing and holding hands in public, but she grew up and learned that it's **so much more**. it's a monstrosity that takes over your life, and changes you to the point where you can't even see yourself. it changes you and you lose your identity. she doesn't understand why people want to fall in love. she knows now that you're not falling in love, you're falling in a monstrosity."

* * *

**monstrosities**

Massie Block wants to continue to believe that love is wonderful and that you need it in your life.

Massie Block wants to believe that love isn't terrible, and that it's the most perfect thing in the world.

Massie Block has learned differently, though. While people around her are kissing and hugging and tell each other **"I love you"**, she's on the sidelines whispering to herself, **"Love is a monster, but you all don't see it."**

**m**

It's kindergarten, and all the girls and boys are chasing each other around on the playground. Claire Lyons and Cam Fisher are playing some game of tag, and only two minutes later has she lost her lip virginity.

Massie wonders how it felt, and for a minute she wants to experience the same feeling. She wants to know what it's like to kiss someone and say "I love you" and spend Valentines Day together cuddled up under a blanket, just like her parents do.

Her parents always tell her that she's too young to kiss, too young to understand the concept "I love you", but Massie is tired of hearing "You're too young" and "You'll find out when you're older".

Massie wants to know now. She's not young, she's six years old, and she's one of the oldest ones in her class. She feels grown-up, and she feels as if she should be able to kiss and say "I love you" and have someone to cuddle up with on Valentines Day.

Sadly, it appears as if she's the only one who feels this way.

**m**

On the first day of third grade, and rumors are already spreading that Dylan Marvil and Josh Hotz are a thing, much to Massie's dismay. She's always like Josh Hotz, even when she was a silly six year old in kindergarten. Even then she would watch the dark-haired heartthrob from afar, wondering as to how she could seem confident to him, when on the inside she would be quivering with fear.

Massie glowers after Dylan, who walks up to her supposed boyfriend and grabs his hand. Josh smiles at the girl and pulls her into a hug. Josh catches Massie's eye, and smiles at her, but Massie continues to glare.

Massie knows they're only nine years old, and their relationship will be finished quicker then those Oreo cookies sitting on the counter. Massie is still stuck in the same old fairytale from when she was six years old and wanted to kiss someone and say "I love you" and spend Valentines Day cuddled together on the couch. Although her parents tell her "You're too young", Massie still believes she's old enough to experience love.

She's right about Dylan and Josh. They're rumored 'relationship' has been dead for about a day, and Massie is in a state of euphoria. She believes that Josh will finally walk up to her and say "I love you" and kiss her.

In a couple years, it will be considered a foolish thought to herself, but now it's her main desire.

**m**

It's fifth grade, where cliques are being made and boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are becoming serious. Claire Lyons and Cam Fisher have announced their official relationship after winter break, and Derrick Harrington has admitted to his crush on Kristen Gregory.

Massie is jealous of all the couples happening around her. She wants to be one of those lovey-dovey couples, who hold hands and kiss each other one their foreheads. She also wants to stand on the highest cliff in the world and shout "Why can't someone love me?" for all to hear.

She throws herself into being the alpha the Pretty Committee, a popular and exclusive clique that is made of Claire Lyons, Alicia Rivera, Kristen Gregory, and Layne Abeley. Massie refuses to allow Dylan into the clique. She took Josh away from Massie in third grade, and Massie never forgave her.

It might be a little foolish to Massie in a few years, but right now it makes a lot of sense to the fiery brunette.

**m**

Eight grade has come, and Massie's dated Derrick Harrington, Chris Abeley, Kemp Hurley, and Chris Plovert all in one year. She probably would have went for Cam, but she'd rather have Claire as a friend then Cam as a boyfriend. She knows that going for Cam will ruin Massie's relationship with Claire.

She would've gone for Josh, but he's already taken by none other then Alicia Rivera, much to Massie's dismay. Massie wants to say that Josh Hotz will break up with the Spanish beauty and come running into Massie's open arms, but even the fourteen year old knows it's a far-fetched desire.

That doesn't mean she'll stop her love for him.

Is it love? Massie has no idea. As she grows up, she's beginning to think that maybe love isn't all hearts and roses and butterflies. She's beginning to think that love is about as painful as getting heart surgery. She wants to believe that love is a saint, but now she's beginning to think it's the Devil's game.

And that she's playing the game the way the Devil wants her to play.

**m**

It's junior year, and Massie now knows that love is not a saint, and that the Devil has beaten her.

She's taken Josh away from Alicia, only to find out that he never liked her, never loved her, never even liked her as a person. Massie lost Alicia in the process, and now Claire, Kristen and Layne can't look at her the same.

Massie doesn't blame them. She wants to blame love for making her the ruthless monster she is, but even Massie knows that's not true. She knows she's the reason the Pretty Committee is no more, the reason she made Alicia and Josh's relationship even stronger, and the reason that her old friends refuse to acknowledge her presence.

Massie wants to go back and tell her six year old self that love is not something you should desire. She wants to go back and tell her nine year old self that just because Dylan got Josh, doesn't mean Massie should hate her. Massie wants to travel back and tell her eleven year old self that maybe she should have looked at the way she was treating people. She wants to travel back and tell her fourteen year old self that she didn't need to go through boyfriend after boyfriend to see if she loved them or not.

Massie knows now that over the years, she's become a monster. She let love blind her from the hurt she was causing people. She taught herself that love is an amazing thing, and that it has no flaws.

She taught herself lies.

**m**

It's senior year, and Massie wants to take it all back. She knows now that her parents were right; that she was too young to understand love, and that she would understand when she was older.

Well, Massie understands now.

She understands that love is a monstrosity. It's not perfect like in movies, and it doesn't just consist of holding hands and kissing in public. It consists of hard work from both sides of the relationship. It's not about saying "I love you" every other minute. It's about saying "I love you" once a day and completely meaning it. It's not about cuddling up on Valentines Day and watching a cute movie. It's about being able to cuddle up whenever and watch a sports game but still be completely in love.

Massie Block wishes she could go back to kindergarten and start over. She would ignore the single kiss six year olds Cam and Claire had, she would ignore her aching desire for love, and she would have started as a friend with Josh.

Maybe if she had just had a little fun in kindergarten and forgotten her obsession about love, maybe she wouldn't have been so blinded by the monstrosity.

**m**

Massie Block sits on the side lines of life, telling herself that **"Love is a monster, but you all don't see it"**.

But then she replies with **"I couldn't see it either"**.

* * *

**a/n| **on a scale of one to ten, one being "omg get this off of this website and delete it from existence" and ten being "why is this not in stores", what do you all think?

to be honest, I don't know if this made sense to you all. I enjoyed writing this. does the ending make sense, the part about 'I couldn't see it either'? I hope it does.

please leave a review, especially you sharine.

-peyton c:


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